DISCLAIMER

The content of this website, social media posts, comments, and any and all communications emanating from, associated with, or tangentially linked to “That’s a Black Mamba!” (hereinafter referred to as ““MAMBA!”,” “the Website,” “the Page,” “That Which Must Not Be Trusted,” and/or “This Dubious Source of Inaccurate Snake Identifications”) are intended solely for entertainment, satire, educational confusion, recreational hyperbole, comedic misdirection, and the irritation of people who are merely what type of snake they encountered on their morning run or while doing yard work.

NO INFORMATION PROVIDED HEREIN SHOULD BE CONSTRUED AS:

• Professional herpetological advice;
• Amateur herpetological advice;
• Even slightly reasonable advice;
• An official wildlife identification;
• A responsible course of action when encountering a snake;
• An excuse to touch, poke, lick, photograph, or otherwise disturb wild animals, domestic animals, imaginary animals, or inanimate objects;

LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
By accessing this site or reading any comments, posts, memes, rants, or user-submitted content associated with “MAMBA!”, you hereby agree that:

• You are not giving permission for Facebook or Meta to use your personal data.
• You accept full, complete, unconditional, non-transferable, irreversible, karmically binding responsibility for any consequences, direct or indirect, foreseeable or unforeseeable, tragic or hilarious, arising from your reliance on or reaction to anything said, implied, joked about, hinted at, poorly drawn, or accidentally insinuated by this page.
• It identifies ALL SNAKES, and some lizards with really short legs, as mambas. We do this as a better-safe-than-sorry measure.
• It is unlikely the snake you encountered is a mamba. We mean, it’s not IMPOSSIBLE. It’s just not very likely. Much.
• If you attempt to capture, pet, kiss, or stage a TikTok video with any snake (or snake-like object) based on information obtained here, you are doing so at your own peril, and frankly, you deserve whatever happens next. Unless it’s a snakebite because no one deserves to be bitten by a snake. Especially a mamba, which is probably not what that snake is. Or was.
• You further agree not to sue, complain, whine, threaten, demand, seek emotional damages, or engage in prolonged passive-aggressive behavior toward “MAMBA!”, its creator(s), its associates, its pets, its family members, its team of interns, or any entity, animate or inanimate, linked to its existence.

NO GUARANTEE OF ACCURACY
Please be advised that although we identify EVERY snake as a mamba, regardless of species, habitat, or obvious photographic evidence to the contrary, the creators of “MAMBA!” make no guarantees that:

• The snake in question is, was, or ever will be a Black Mamba;
• It’s probably not. Not very likely, anyway.
• The photo posted is not a rubber toy, a belt, a suspiciously snake-shaped tree branch because, after all, you probably were doing yardwork, or a blurred cat.
• We just think that if you believe that snake is a mamba, you’ll likely run away from the snake which, frankly, is going to be a better outcome for you and for the non-mamba. Or the POSSIBLE mamba.

USE AT YOUR OWN RISK
Any use of information gleaned from “MAMBA!” to make life decisions, medical judgments, relocation plans, snake-befriending attempts, or martial arts maneuvers is done entirely at your own risk. If you are injured, psychologically destabilized, mildly inconvenienced, or existentially rattled as a result, that is between you, the snake, and your spiritual advisor. If you do not have a spiritual advisor, we will not accept responsibility for providing one.

IF YOU SEE A SNAKE IN REAL LIFE:

• Immediately run away screaming.

• Do not attempt to identify it using only this website and your own misguided optimism.
• Do not assume that yelling “THAT’S A BLACK MAMBA!” will either repel the snake or summon help.
• Do not taunt the snake, challenge it to a staring contest, or offer it a snack.

• Immediately run away screaming.
• Do not attempt to touch, poke, lick, photograph or otherwise disturb the snake.
• If you refuse to immediately run away screaming, instead, back away slowly and contact a professional, sober, and preferably snake-knowledgeable individual.